Sunday, December 7, 2008

The X Factor

The X Factor

cheryl cole and diana vickers discuss starvation for the sake of TV

Posted: 07 Dec 2008 09:22 PM CST

On sunday after diana the claw was booted from the show, she was invited for an anorexic dinner by the bag of bones cheryl tramp stamp cole.

Diana the claw vickers and cheryl tramp stamp cole discussed starvation diets and that cheryl was required to upstage everyone on the show in the style and fashion department as written in her contract. Cheryl purposely had diana vickers dressed awefully week after week while appearing live on the x factor. The two anorexic girls could not be seen eating on sunday or anytime as a matter of fact.

Now that diana the claw vickers is off the show, she can go back to eating,and since it was dicovered that diana vickers is pregnant, possibly with eoghan quiggs. The pregancy test found in the x factor mansion was positive.

Share This

BACKSEAT CAR SEX DIANE VICKERS SANK LIKE THE TITANIC Posted by CANDY WARHOL

Posted: 07 Dec 2008 07:30 PM CST

During the auditions, she promised to be something refreshingly different, instead of the run of the mill nasal warbling and huffy-puffy breath exhalations that most auditionees  spat out, or the awful 'urban R&B' yelling Beyonce wannabees. However, as the weeks rolled excruciatingly on, the stroppy temper tantrum starlet Diane Vickers was transformed into some near Frankenstein creation by the show's vocal coach and her mentor, Cheryl 'I'd be completely nothing if I wasn't hidden by other loud girls' Aloud Cole.

Vickers murdered her first delightful offering - the 'Girlfriend' song whilst surrounded by leaping, gyrating High School Musical refugees. Her second choice was 'White Flag' made famous (if only for its incessant droning) by Dido. I was waving my white flag of surrender after the first 10 seconds shouting "Please, no more" as Sex in the back seat of the car Vickers warbled and choked her way towards teeth clenching chorus. It was my teeth that clenched because she was so monotonous, dull and tuneless.

I haven't been as stiff and rigid since I went to the hospital some years ago for a rectal probe. Diane's rendition brought the feeling back to me in blinding speed. The performance was so bad, like a giddy guest on the foredeck of the Titanic I saw the iceberg coming and immediately the word 'sunk' came to mind.

Not to rest the torture and possibly knowing the deep numbing sensation it would cause, she returned as her valedictory, to treat us to another hearing of this train wreck performance, only this time with avengeance and worse singing. Perhaps it was a punishment she wreaked upon us for her having been (thankfully at last) booted off the show.

I’m really glad the Quigg creature ran on stage. It saved us from having to listen to any more of the deceiving, two timing Diane Vickers and her strangled cat impressions.

It was the best stage invasion since Jarvis Cocker during Michael Jackson at The Brits.

Share This

ALEXANDRA BURKE SECRET SEX SESSIONS SHOCKER

Posted: 07 Dec 2008 04:57 PM CST

If being a blackmailed mediocre nobody is bad enough for most, imagine how it feels to be a blackmailed X Factor finalist being financially squeezed, or at the very least, held to emotional ransom by a creepy, stalking ex boyfriend. That my friends and X Factor junkies all over the world, is the pressure facing our delightful finalist Alexandra.

Her ex boyfriend who having somehow either with her consent or not, has kept a sex romp video of him and our Leona Lewis Mk 2 entrant Alexandra at it like rabbits. Not content to have kept this recording, presumably as a playback event to review his performance or lack of it, he is hawking it around the British media seeking £100,000 (about $250 million dollars due to the state of the US economy because of Bushist economic policies). Alexandra is said to be 'loosing sleep' over the prospects it could be leaked onto the internet'. Well my dear girl… it didn't seem to do any harm for Paris Hilton, Pammie Anderson or a whole string of celebs who just don't seem to understand, that celebrity and home made pornos equal possible future embarrassment. The rule is simple people… if you don't want anyone to see your pink bits, don't parade in front of the camera or mobile phone when you're on the job.

Now don't get me wrong, I think Alexandra is a beautiful and elegant girl. I just don't think I want to be seeing her private parts flashed all over the myriad of x rated web sites who will let you have a flash of muff for an instant one time low payment. If it had been the really tall sexy guy from JLS who looks very much as if he's got a rocket in his pocket, then that's a different matter. I doubt however if the pint sized main singer from JLS could compete with that in any event. More in his case of being hung like a chipmunk to the eagle eyed bouncy trousered JLS dance routine observers.

Alexandra of course has a huge dilemma over this sex tape recording. If she wins the £1million deal in the final, then she could easily afford to pay off the sordid tape cost demands. If she does a Leona and becomes mega famous and rich in the process, the cost could be considerably higher. My advice, would be for her to do as many semi nude and nude centrespreads as she can possible cram into the next 6 days before the final on Saturday night. That way, the impact of any leaked sex tape images are negated, and hey, if she's savvy about it, she can coin in a lot of cash from her own efforts into the bargain!

So this year, we have had the on off romance and bed hopping between the Quigg boy and the deceiving stroppy little Madam Diane Vickers, the shock discovery allegedly in the X Factor celebs bathroom of a positive pregnancy test, the rumours of much bedroom swapping by contestants and now Alex Burke's saucy video activities. I'm surprised the show's promoters didn't just call it Sex Factor instead.

I think her chances of winning are now diminished because of this. In some sort of 'Miss World Stripped of Title' prevention management, I am sure the X Factor promoters are already rigging the votes  to avoid any future risk of being embroiled in a new sex scandal. JLS seem certain to sweep the board now, thanks to Alexandra's unguarded kinky film fetish.

For anyone who is interested, if you want to pay good cash for a ten minute sex recording, send the cash to me via paypal and I'll willingly switch my webcam on and hustle my ass. Unlike some people who seem to think the past won't creep up and bite them squarely on the ass, I would be aware of my cinematic exhibitionism and the consequences I could face. Maybe Alexandra knew this would happen and what better way to catapult her even further onto the front pages of the newspapers this week, than a sordid kinky sex story. Her publicist is either a total genius or a complete eggnog.

Share This

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)